Discover 4 powerful tips for handling haters and negative people in your life. I'll share the meanest comments I have received over the years and then you'll discover how I deal with that kind of venom. Overcoming hatred and negativity is part of everyone's journey to becoming successful in any worthwhile endeavor.
If you are not equipped with the tools to deal with hate and negativity, it could completely derail your success train and paralyze your progress. Although this message will primarily go to real estate investors,these 4 tips could be equally applicable to anyone attempting to achieve any significant life goal, so feel free to share with friends and family! After completing this training, you'll know 4 simple yet extremely powerful ways to handle the inevitable hatred and negativity.
Four Tips For Handling Haters and Overcoming Negative People
Beginner real estate investors are met with a lot of negativity from those around them. People will try to tell you what you can and cannot do, even though you know what you are capable of accomplishing. Your spouse might believe that real estate investing is a scam. If you're younger, your parents might be upset that you are spending your time watching videos and reading blogs instead of getting ready for college. No matter the situation, if you are dealing with negativity in your life, then this blog is for you.
There is nothing more discouraging then negativity from the influential people in your life. It's like taking a big bucket of water and dumping it on a fire that extinguishes every bit of enthusiasm you have for something new and special, and different.
I am the author of two bestselling books How to be a Real Estate Investor, and my newest one, Real Estate Investing Gone Bad. Both of these are perennial bestsellers, and they are must-reads for anyone who is serious about becoming a real estate investor. My YouTube channel is number 1 for real estate investing all across the world, and, it has now broken some pretty exciting milestones. Over 100,000 subscribers, over 11 million views. That also means that there literally have been thousands and thousands of comments. Most of them are positive, but some of them have been very negative. I would like to share some of the negative comments I have received on my Youtube Channel.
- Eric Eubanks writes, "Go F-U-C-K yourself. You are proof of how ignorant people still are after 20 years of internet access."
- Here's Ladon, This one's actually kind of funny. "Hey, Phil, there's an island sitting on top of your head. Go invest in that."
- Wade writes, "Invest in clothes, time at the gym and some hair plugs. You look like a douche.
- Thomas says, "Did you ever consider the fact that you're moving your head too much when you speak? Most want to read your lips while they listen. You bob your head like you are something special. What an A-S-S-hole."
- Lanqua missionary writes, "Dear Phil, kill yourself, please."
Tip 1: Get Excited
A very famous music producer who was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame this fall, who is a genius at spotting talent, according to Dolly Parton had a great rule about handling haters. His rule was, "If the person had as many haters as fans, he knew they were going to be a big star." If he had someone who didn't have that kind of electricity, either positive or negative, he was always concerned that they wouldn't become a big star. You might not be looking at becoming a big country music star, but the principle still applies, even on a small level.
Using This in Real Estate
If you're working on a real estate deal that looks like it could make some good money, but then the seller starts flipping out that you are some sort of scam artist, then you should get excited. This probably means you have a good deal on your hands.
On the other side of the coin, if you're at the closing table and the seller is very happy and overly nice to you, you should be a little concerned, because maybe, just maybe, you're about to buy a lemon; some bad deal that's not going to work out. When people act negative towards you, get excited, because it means you're pressing their buttons. This could mean you're about to make some big moves in your life, which is exciting.
Sometimes a spouse or parent might be concerned if you become more successful you might not need them anymore. That happened to one of my apprentices, who was in an abusive relationship with someone who wanted nothing to do with her being in our program. Well she secretly did it anyway and made a bunch of money, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and then left her spouse.
The point is that if people are being negative or hateful towards you, you should get excited, because you're probably doing something right. If you're trying to improve your life and people are getting mad, being excited is one way to handle haters.
Tip 2: Pray For Your Haters
You have no idea the kind of pain other people are experiencing in their life. I recently helped a family member purchase a new house. When they moved in, the neighbor to one side of them was very annoyed because it was a newly built home that had blocked their view of the water. So one day, my family member was going to put away the trash cans because the garbage men had already come. The neighbor came out and made all sorts of accusations about my family member's strange work schedule. She believed something shady was going on and let my family member know this. She also threatened to call the HOA if he did not start picking his trash up sooner.
Moral of the Story
Naturally my family member couldn't believe what a jerk the neighbor had been, but when he relayed the story back to his family, his son had a very different take on the situation. The neighbor had just recently lost her husband. She woke up one morning and her husband was dead. He had some rare heart condition that they didn't even know he had.
The moral of this story is that you just do not know what someone else is going through in their life. When handling haters, get excited, because on a grand scale, you might have something excited going on. But by the same toke, if its really personal and they're being out of the ordinary mean, then pray for them. Find out what's going on in their life, because they might have some real pain going on. Typically, the people that are the most confident and balanced, are not the one's hating on others. The haters usually have other problems going on in their life.
Tip 3: Stop Pleasing Others
Humans are wired with a natural desire to make other people around them happy. The problem is, people are fickle. Studies have proven that humans are terrible predictors of their own happiness. If you're trying to please other people, it is a moving target that you'll never hit. I recently heard of someone that invested in real estate and their family member said, "I can't believe you've done this. You're literally ruining my life. I can't believe you'd spend money on a scam like investing in real estate."
This family member was very distraught over the whole situation. I remember the correspondent saying, "What you do with your money should have no effect on other people. That's not your problem, it's their problem." Trying to please others is a treadmill where you'll keep running and running but make no progress. You have to run your own race, even if it is difficult at times.
Pleasing Others Causes Failure
If you're trying to please others, you're going to continually fail. That's why, when I put my blogs and videos out I appreciate the feedback I receive, even if it is negative. I am humble about learning how I can improve, but by the same token, I'm only putting out information I know is true, and this can piss some people off. I'm doing the best I can, but I'm not trying to make everybody happy, because that's impossible.
I do not recommend using negativity from other people as some sort of fuel to succeed. The mentality of doing something just because someone told you that you couldn't. That's still trying to please people. If someone tells you that you can't do something, and you try to do it because they believed you couldn't, they're controlling you. They're holding the strings of you as the puppet. I don't agree with that. You should do the things that you feel the need to do in your life.
Now, I'm a Christian, so obviously, I pray the Lord gives me guidance and for Christians, that's the number 1 place to get your directives. However, either way, it doesn't involve other people telling you how to live your life. Just like a throwback to the movie Back to the Future, when it's, "Are you chicken, McFly?" Of course he then all rears up. See, that's not what you want to do. Don't use that as fuel. You be in control of your own life.
Tip 4: Study Greatness
Study those that have overcome a tremendous amount of negativity and hatred in their life to go onto great things. A great example of this would be one of my favorite people of all time, Dr. Martin Luther King. That man as well as many around him were part of a movement to overcome enormous amounts of hatred and negativity, and what they did changed the world.
They Were Excited
Look at some of the factors of Dr. King's movement in light of these other three steps. Number one: "Get excited." Once people witnessed the movement rolling they got excited which caused more people to join in. They encountered a lot of opposition, but the hatred let them know they were on the right track.
They Certainly Prayed
One example of this step was when someone shot Martin Luther King Jr but instead of attacking the guy and ripping the gun out of his hand, he gave the guy a hug and he prayed for him. Anybody trying to shoot Dr. King had some real issues, and what he did in response was amazing.
They Stopped Pleasing
I can assure you Dr. King was not pleasing a lot of people when, in front of a hostile crowd in Washington D.C., he said, "I have a dream that my 4 little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. Well, Dr. King, I still have that dream today because racism is completely out of hand in this country, and it is so sad. In fact, it was Dr. King who pointed out that the most segregated hour in America is Sunday morning.
Christians know that we are all children of God, and that He created us all in His own plan. The Church should be multicultural and should break down those racial barriers. This is precisely why I go to a multicultural church. In fact, I'm one of the only Caucasian families in the room, hallelujah, and I love it.
I hope this provides you with some concrete steps on handling haters and negativity in your life. If you don't have any haters in your life, just wait. As you begin to improve your situation, it's going to happen. There's an analogy where crabs are in a box and of one of the crabs tries to crawl, but the other crabs rip him down and bring him back into the box. Well, that's probably happening to you if you're experiencing negativity. People are trying to pull you back into their world, so use these tips to overcome them.
I hope this message helps to inspire a lot of people. Share this with others as well, because this is really important. It's not just about how to find the best deals and how to structure the best deals. Real estate is also about how you progress forward as an individual.